1980s 2000s Britain British Comedy Culture Newcastle under Lyme Stoke-on-Trent

Talken News

Talke is a village in Staffordshire, England, four miles north-west of Newcastle-under-Lyme.
Talke is a village in Staffordshire, England, four miles north-west of Newcastle-under-Lyme.

The village of Talke is in Staffordshire, England, four miles north-west of Newcastle-under-Lyme. There once was a fruit and veg. shop and Post Office called ‘Vince’s.’  This store or typically northerners 1970s con-vience shop was in Unity Way, Talke. Which was, and still is in a rather shabby council estate built in the 1970’s. Full of unemployed young men abusing and selling drugs, over-weight single mothers on state benefits and the location of Vince’s rather disgusting cockroach-rat-infested shop full of out-of-date shite food that the locals snapped up at Vince’s super-lowest-low-prices!‘Get-it-while-u-can!’ he would shout out around the streets of Talke from his jam packed shitty little van full of crap food and stuffed full of other bollox you didn’t really want! But, he some how managed get you buy it off him! The Cunt! Vince’s other favourite saying and key to his business success of his shop and life-long motto of his v. v. surprising and rather amazingly long existence as a very dodgy food retailer and a credit to his rather unusual business acumen was:
“Where There’s Mold? There’s GOLD!”

It was open during the 1980’s and early 1990’s. After which it closed. Thank F.! Probably after a Health & Safety law violation and inevitable inspection by a local government Environmental Health Officer. Who most probably, and almost certainly, condemned the place and had Vince’s fruit & veg. shop shut down with immediate effect! And then had Vince banged up for 50 years for breaking every’ Consumer Health act and local and national government’s directives and laws on food hygiene and consumer protection since the’ early 1820’s!Vince’s old shop is now ‘Manhattan Pizza.’ A rather horrible, Pakistani fast-food outlet selling over priced 32″ inch Pizzas, horrible greasy, v. soggy, & v. thin French fries and disgusting Donner Kebabs to all  the TV coach potatoes in the local area and in the vicinity of Unity Way council estate.Donner Kebabs consist of one small pita bread stuffed full with the most fowl mix of dog-food like Donner ‘meat’ (If u can call that shite meat!) cabbage, so called ‘mixed salads’ and other bollox.

All christened with the most fowl super red-hot chilli sauce. That only absolute idiots or, pissed out of their minds nut-bags would dare ever attempt to put in their mouths. Or, even contemplate eating. As it burns the F. out of your throat and sets fire to your belly, as well as the horrid greasy Donner meat food poisoning you are most certainly gonna experience soon after the consumption of a Donner Kebab dirt-box on a post-piss-up-take-away-filthy-feed. As it is left spit roasting for days. Vertically. Like some deranged elephant’s foot or lower leg. Going round and around for days.
This fast ‘food’ (if u can call it food! As I wouldn’t!) outlet is right next door to a new off licence: St. Mary’s News. Which opened just recently in our village. Run by South-western Indian Roman Catholics who are v. nice, friendly, happy and helpful people. It has an excellent full-shelves-range of all necessary provisions of all v. good local convenience stores. Including: all the best wines, beers and spirits and superb choice of cheap cigarettes and tobaccos. All at superb value for money prices. The local store also has countless bargains and weekly offers which are all great value for money. As well as, a superb customer service reputation with all the locals.

Talke News (located just one street and a few hundred yards away from Saint Mary’s News, on the Newcastle Rd. A34 near to the village of Talke’s crossroads) started a petition against the new store from opening up a year ago in November.  That saw Mr. Singh, the shop owner of Talke News, get in the local newspaper for his campaign to stop the opening of yet another off licence in the local area on the grounds that it would cause anti-social behaviour in the neighbourhood and somehow convinced the local resident petitioners that a local crime-wave would ensue if it were ever to open. The local rag: The Sentinel (that  which I never buy any more on account of it being more right-wing and fascist than Hitler’s and Himmler’s favourite daily newspapers) published the details of Mr. Singh’s petition and his son Dill’s comments in November, 2014. On, or near the front page of the local city of Stoke-on-Trent Neo-Nazi Fascist rag or what some people describe as a newspaper.

Mr. Singh is an impressive, built-like-a-brick-shit-house 6′ foot 6″ inches tall Punjabi Sikh. Who is said to have been a veteran of one of the India’s wars with the Muslim Pakistani’s. And, who could probably kill 200+ Muslim Jihadist Taliban religious nut-bag extremist fundamentalists armed to the teeth with AK-47’s and rocket launchers with his bare hands. And, who runs and owns this other off licence store and Newspaper shop along with his really cool son: ‘Dill.’ Who is a friend of mine and really kind to me when I visit the shop for my daily ration of ciggies and a few bevies now-‘n’-again. ‘Dill’ runs the shop most of the time for his father, who is a little less well acquainted with western European culture and also pretty hopeless on how to effectively and profitably run a corner shop in northern England, in this, the earlier decades of the 21st. century.

Mr. Singh and and his really cool son Dill, started their petition against St. Mary’s News in November around Bonfire Night on the 5th. of that month in attempt to stop them from even opening. This got them both: Dill and Mr. Singh and also their shop: Talke News off licence store and newspaper shop in local Fascist rag (or newspaper to some): ‘The Sentinel.’

Talke News Petition against the opening of an off licence some 500 yards away in the next street from Mr. Singh’s (Left with traditional turban ) off licence store and newspaper shop on the A34 in Talke Newcastle-under-Lyme. Dill, his son can be seen on the right with his father holding the aforementioned petition. Photograph appeared on or nr. the front page of the Stoke-on-Trent local fascist rag: The Sentinel Photo: Micheal Heart

The petition stated that the opening of the St. Mary’s News and off licence in Unity Way, Talke: Would cause anti-social behaviour and a local crime-wave. Dill is quoted by the local Stoke-on-Trent Fascist rag: The Sentinel as saying that his and his father’s petition was in favour of keeping the local area safe and free from any anti-social behaviour as Unity Way in Talke is:
“… a nice, quiet, peaceful street on a residential estate, but this off-licence selling booze until 11.30 pm could lead to problems with young adults drinking in that area. The actual road is access-only and there are children playing there. It will encourage a lot of people to pass through.”
He went on to say:
“Police have stopped people a few times and fined people who are going through the road. But if they’re going to the shop they’ll have an excuse.”
Talke News on the Newcastle Rd./ A34 was opposed to the opening of St. Mary’s News (which is just yards away from their store) with that petition. Not because of the obvious competition resulting from a v. similar store opening just yards away in the v. next street and the obvious effects it would have on Mr. Singh’s alcohol sales etc. But, as Dill went on to say in the last year’s November v. local news story:
“We are not worried about competition from the new store – because alcohol sales account for just 20 per cent of the transactions…”

Yeah! Right!

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